I should be infracted, except this isn't a real job, or a court room.
I've just realized there may be a character defining fact about me that has fallen by the wayside - something I've failed to turn over to the opposing council, if you will.
I am tall. 180cm, 5'11ft, and sometimes much, much more depending on what my feet wish to live in for the day.
I know in all rational situations, it isn't fair to judge a book by its cover. It's Social Graces 101, circa your first foray into a school setting (probably taught alongside the lesson not to eat glue).
However, here's the thing: when you see a 5'11ft blonde wearing 4 inch heels on a Wednesday afternoon while shopping for groceries, you really do have to take what you see at face value. We can all safely assume footwear extravagancies on her part are of no help in the demure department. This bitch (being me, in this case) knows exactly what she is doing, is perfectly aware of the attention this seemingly simple wardrobe decision offers her, and she probably loves it. I know I do.
In a way, the inevitability of being noticed has personally pushed me to be the way I am, and I could not be happier to be in this position. It's near impossible to hide at this height, and why would I want to? Self confidence can be misconstrued as arrogance, pretentiousness, conceit - maybe I do have some (a lot) of those qualities, but as someone who grew up petrified of speaking out loud and had a terrible time meeting new people, I'll say that is a step up. Way, way up in my case.
I am boisterous, opinionated, sometimes vulgar and always willing to push buttons because I know what I am doing at this point. Dancing around a subject that could easily be aimed and shot at makes no sense to me. Stand up and speak out, no apologies and certainly no hesitation. Call me Warden Nicole if you wish, but stepping on people's toes is just an easier task from up high in stilettos. So I choose to verge on the aggressive side of nature. As I will say over and over again, bitch has gotta have her shoes, so why not walk in them?
Height as a physical aspect of mine boils down to a few definitive presumptions from multiple angles. The regular comments usually circle around:
- Wow, do you model? (No, but thank you for thinking I could!)
- How do you find men? (I go out in heels and hope for 6'4ft men to fall into my lap - on good days, they do.)
- How do you find jeans/dresses/tops (with my aDDitional problems..) that fit?
And my personal favourite...
- Can you reach the top shelf for me?
In all honesty, this last point doesn't annoy me until it does - sometimes just snaps in me. Do I ask you to pick things up for me off the floor because you're closer to the ground? No? So in that case please go buy yourself a step stool.
And god forbid there is an occasion that requires role play in a couple scenario - not once in elementary school did I play the sweet, docile wife. This must explain my indifference to killing bugs and working on construction projects (yes, I also look fantastic in neon vests, if that's what piques your interest, gents.) Appropriately gruff and self sufficient is where I like to toe the line between being a complete barbie and a burping, video game playing tomboy.
Perhaps I'm reading too much into this, but I feel the tall ones in society see more. A fresh (aerial) perspective changes the way you look at things. Bless the hearts of anyone under 5'5ft attempting to act intimidating, because one swift stare downwards will put you in your place. God forbid you catch me in the right outfit (sleek black blazer, chignon bun and red lips) and the look you'll receive will quite literally paralyze you for 15-23 seconds. Proven fact.
I also feel significantly safer on the streets. Of course at night, everyone and anyone can be a target, but tackling me versus some of my more pocket-sized friends must seem like a giant hassle. I'm not worth the trouble to sedate into a windowless white van, thank you attackers. Leave me on my ill timed Starbucks run in peace. Needing caffeine at 10:30pm is punishment enough for my sleep cycle.
With this, it really is all about the little assurances in life. Some people find comfort in having 911 on their speed dial or a savings account, I have my lengthy limbs to fall back on.
So if you yourself are uncomfortable about your extended vertical spacial issues (ha, haha, ha), I beg you to reconsider. Being tall is a special gift bestowed upon a very small percentage of the population. Use that power wisely.
And if you happen to be a man of significant stature(s) (HA, against all odds I find a way to input innuendos) please do us tall girls a favour. Pick a mate within your height range. There is no need to strain your back, and it certainly makes no sense to waste a perfectly good set of long legs.
Kisses from high, high above,
Nicole xo
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